2018

Vulnerability

Vulnerable is the best term I can use to express how I have been feeling as of late. By giving our feelings a voice we can discover the latent need behind what we are experiencing. Opposed to drifting in and out of our feelings and potentially adding fuel to the fire. I invited vulnerability to speak.

My heart is pounding and my breath is deepening, as I sit with the intention to connect to this vulnerability. My world feels small, dark and cold. Somewhat reminiscent of the Winter months here. A heaviness looms over me and fills the air with a musty smell. This place feels forgotten, abandoned, yet strangely familiar. The silence is profound, not even the sound of my breath can be heard. Tears fall down my cheeks. Tears of sadness, of sorrow, of grief and of regret. My weeping breaks the silence. Have I been filling my life with noise and distractions, to avoid silence? It seems so. I take a deep in-breath and surrender to these feelings. My heart aches and sits heavy on my chest. As I focus on the breath and allow the emotions to wash over me. I notice a thread running through them, loneliness.

Loneliness reverberates throughout my body. I feel as though I am shaking yet remain still. The sound of my heartbeat fills my ears. I embrace this symphony of sound and movement. Allowing it to take me on a journey. As the trembling and beating of my heart quieten. I find myself in the intermundium, where nothing and everything exists. A place of contrast and of synergy. Of disintegration, strengthening, remembrance and absolution. Here I shall discover what lies beneath. I take a deep in-breath and drop into the loneliness.

My heart feels desolate. The barrenness is deafening. What has happened here? The absence of self-love has stifled my heart’s flame. By overly focusing outward, I have quelled my zeal for life. Gradually over time disengaging with that which brings me joy and fulfilment, and looking to others to fill the void. Tears roll down my face. Tears of forgiveness, of beauty, and of love. I give thanks for the messages these feelings were endeavouring to convey. A sense of peace and freedom washes over me. I gasp for air, as though I have been without breath. My body tingles as the air fills my lungs. With each out-breath, I feel lighter and lighter. I place my hands on heart and feel the flickerings of a spark.

In Love, Light and Power,

Carly ♥